It All Started With A Walnut.

I’m being accosted in my yard, and it all started with a walnut.

Every morning, an army of these little buggers wait for me, stalk toward me, and block my walking path, demanding that I give them what they want.

It’s my fault.

It all started so simply.

I bought some walnuts because they are really good for you, but I’m not a huge fan of walnuts. They’re okay, but I’d rather eat almonds. Anyway, instead of letting them go bad, I decided that I’d put them out for the squirrels and birds.

I have a line of fence posts down the middle of my property. I don’t know if there had once been a fence there or if the previous owner was going to put a fence up but never did. The reason behind their existence doesn’t matter. They just are.

And they were the perfect place for me to leave a little gift for the critters.

I know it’s not good to have wild animals rely on you for their food. They overpopulate and they forget how to forage for themselves, but I figured if I just put one walnut (actually, the bag was pieces of walnuts) on about seven to ten fence posts, the animals wouldn’t rely on it for all their food, but it might make their day a little easier.

As with so many things in my life, it sounded good but somehow the plan went a little south (or a lot).

Everything was good…at first.

I’d put a few bits of walnuts out in the morning on my walk. The walnuts would disappear as I made my way around the yard. I’d feel happy because I helped to make their morning  and their lives just a little easier.

At first, I didn’t even realize what was happening. As I’d walk, I hear the movement in the trees. I’d even look up and see the squirrels looking at me.

Waiting…

Sometimes I’d toss them another walnut or two. That was my first mistake (or maybe, that was just my next mistake – lol).

And then one day, I heard the rustling in the trees, but I ignored it. I was walking and working – dictating a story. My head was so far in another world that I didn’t even realize what was happening until it was right in front of my feet.

One of them got brave or really hungry.

The little bugger hopped right up to me. They usually stayed in the cover of the trees but instead this one was on my path and came almost to my feet.

Enter, my next mistake.

I thought it was so cute, that I tossed him a walnut.

As I’m sure you can imagine, things went downhill from there, but just like in a story, I didn’t realize how bad it was getting because I was so enamored with the situation.

I started working with him/her, trying to get him to take the walnut from my hand. He did finally do it, but during all those weeks, I was also feeding the others. I mean, how could I not? They were all watching and hungry, and they are so darn cute.

This went on for weeks.

One time, my oldest dog who’s sixteen and arthritic hopped toward the squirrel and he ran up the post. I decided to try and feed him from my palm since I only had little pieces of walnut left and clearly because I’m an idiot.

I flattened my hand like you would do to feed a horse, but I was soon reminded that a squirrel isn’t a horse. He didn’t gently nibble the food from my hand, tickling my palm with his soft horsey lips.

Nope.

The little tree rat grabbed my finger and tugged.

I swear. I may not be a hand model, but my hands do not look like walnuts – unless you’re a squirrel.

This is where my instincts will either help me survive a zombie apocalypse or be the cause of my immediate demise.

I didn’t panic. I didn’t freak out. I just waited, trying to convince the squirrel that my finger was not a walnut. I knew if I tugged, I’d get bitten. I didn’t want to go through rabies shots, so I waited, talking to him as he kept tugging on my finger.

Fortunately, the squirrel must’ve gotten tired of my “mother” tone and ran up the tree without a piece of my finger.

That was the last time I decided to try and feed him from my hand.

I settled on just tossing him a walnut when he hops over to me.

I also still continue to feed the others who wait in the bushes, but somewhere things changed.

Now, I have five to ten of them and they all come up to me. There are a few who still hide in the trees but most hop right over to me. The things are so stupid they even do it when I have all my dogs with me.

I don’t worry about my oldest dog. The squirrel would have to crawl right into her mouth for her to catch it, but my other two are not arthritic or slow.

I literally had to turn around and make them walk in the other direction because the darn squirrels were all on the path and I didn’t want to see any of them get eaten.

I don’t mind giving them a few walnuts, but I can’t even walk one lap without them almost surrounding me. And they are increasing their territory. They used to just accost me near this one section of my walk, but now, they are following me, demanding food for about half of my walk.

Enough is enough.

I’m just going to have to start getting up early and walking while the little buggers are sleeping. Then I’ll leave a small offering for them because I do still like knowing that I made their morning just a little easier. Life is hard for wild animals, and I like to help, but this isn’t good for my pocketbook or for them. They are going to be picked off by an owl or hawk if they keep leaving the trees.

Plus, I don’t want to have them waiting on my porch like this squirrel in this video. Lol.

This ends my squirrel saga – at least for now.